Your Body Keeps The Score

In honor of the month of May, I began reading The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van

der Kolk. Now that June, Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month, is here, my algorithm

is full of content related to healing journeys. I see posts online that bash Bessel van der

Kolk’s book contents, noting that it’s too raw and data-driven without concrete solutions.

But what I’m finding during my reading, as a yogi, scientist, healer, and curious

individual of the human experience, is that his overall message is simply that the body

keeps the score of your trauma for many years. I could not agree more, given that I

have experienced a slew of trauma but also have done what he terms as bodywork to

get better. His theory inadvertently became a reality for me and proved true a year ago.

Last summer, I fell ill for several months, starting with constant migraines to the point of

hospitalization. My head pounded for days regardless of attempts to ease by natural or

medicinal means. The migraines disappeared after a few weeks, and then I experienced

days of fluctuating levels of chest pain. By winter, abdominal pain had welcomed itself.

This pain unbalanced my mind, body, and spirit. The pain began at the top of my

stomach to my lower intestine; nobody could figure it out.

I deteriorated slowly, my mind preoccupied with hyperactivity and hypersensitivity,

knowing that life was going on without me. I would meditate every day in hopes it would

bring peace, which it did temporarily, but something continued to stir within me. I

understood my body held records of intake and years of trauma converged. I spent

many days in bed; I used up all my sick time by February of this year.

I went the medical route first: hospitalizations, CT scans, MRI, extensive bloodwork,

ultrasounds, colonoscopies, you name it! Nothing was conclusive. The day I picked up

my prescription for colonoscopy prep, I considered every aspect of my body, certain that

something remained unscanned because all tests returned normal results.

My vow renewal ceremony was the following month, and I kept thinking to myself: am I

even going to survive between the chest pains, a migraine, and abdominal pain to the

point of not being able to stand? I was desperate, because I couldn’t figure it out.

I knew the stomach is the second brain, which made me realize that my microbiome

may be the issue. However, the pain I experienced throughout the months stirred up

reflections of my human experience: where I’ve been and how I got to today. Between it

all, my mind, body, and spirit were completely out of whack.

The good news is that my results returned from microbiome testing; they showed

everything. It concluded my love of mitochondrial energy levels, my missing vitamins,

the food viruses in my stomach that feed from certain foods, how my microbiome

impacted my heart health; the list goes on. Everything I was consuming was slowly

killing me. A lot of what I prioritized did not agree with my body, and I was paying for it

slowly. I did not know.

Health involves many routes and sudden changes. I do not have bad news to share

from this, because I have been focused on my bodywork in means of my consumption,

physically moving my body through yoga and strength workouts, and staying away from

what my microbiome does not accept. But from all, I learned that the body keeps the

score, and we must always prioritize staying on top of your temple, your body, your

mind, and spirit.

With Gratitude,

Mary Love