Love is not an eye for an eye.

Love is not an eye for an eye

When I moved to northern NJ in the late 2000s, I fell in love with the hustle and bustle of the

area. It was not long after that I ran into my soon to be boyfriend, then husband, Peter. One

snowy evening in Montclair, after days of sitting in my dorm in Blanton Hall hoping the school

would reopen so I could eat at the cafeteria in my building. As the days passed, the food ran out

of my dorm. I caught a ride down Clove Road to the Six Brothers Diner in search of food. That

evening, I met Peter and his brother. Following that, we have stayed close, reserving time for

each other daily.

In my almost two decades of love with Peter, with plenty of stories of triumph, hardship, and

complications stemming from surrounding people (family, friends, colleagues), I have learned

how to navigate any type of relationship.

Here is my key takeaway in any relationship, whether it is a friend or your spouse that you care

about and want to nurture the relationship: love is not an eye for an eye. To preserve ties with

someone, everyone must abandon tit for tat. Show love, not malice, when communicating.

Another takeaway is to never verbally “hit below the belt” as to hurt the other person’s feelings.

When two people are navigating the human experience together, miscommunication and

misalignments arise, which lead to disrespect of one another. It is easier to leave tension in the

air too, but the impact of disrespect and avoidance lasts longer than we consider. These

occurrences become a part of the memory with the other person, which leads to resentment and

potential issues down the road.

You are in a boxing ring with a loved one. Would you hit them in the most vulnerable parts just

to win a few rounds, or would you consider the long haul by dancing and strategizing to help one

another survive in the ring? Especially with love or long-time friendships, two individuals are

experiencing the boxing ring together. Remember, boxing enthusiasts fill the stands, eager for the fight.  The world lives outside of the boxing ring, but the relationship within the ring matters.

How does the human experience with a loved one alongside you shape the way you go about the

world? 

Something to think about, with full intent.

- Mary Love